In order to get their revenge, the Brits sent Keynes to the US and when he got his feast in 1936, the Brits knew they will win in the end. Now here we are and this is official US economic policy. Keynes is at the high command. Some call it a satire, other observers may say that they wish it were only a satire.
Here is the Keynesian economic policy that has become official US economic policy under the Obama/Bernanke rule before similar, though less vigorous attempts had been made under the Greenspan/Bush rule and under the Greenspan/Clinton rule.
"... 1. Air Force Bombing Practice
For an entire day the Air Force can carpet bomb our interstates and highways. Why should Libya get the economic boost? Roads will be off limits to avoid human casualties (building up productivity for the lost work, right?) and we can kickstart the construction sector still reeling from the housing and commercial real estate nightmare.
2. National Food Fight
Let’s take it back to the college caf and have a food fight. Our processed food tastes terrible anyway. Rules are: any and all food may be thrown at other Americans, but under no circumstances may food be preserved. Think of the fun. Sure, our hybrid, pinkish, crossbred, Monsantified tomatoes aren’t quite as messy as they used to be, but boy do they hurt more. Anyway, this is America. We have drugs for that.
3. Public School Fire Day
Every kid wants to burn down his school, right? (Ok, ok, besides the homeschoolers.) Well, Keynesian Public School Burning Day is their chance. It can be a teaching experience for Keynesian economics. We can invite George W. Bush, so that no child is left behind.
4. Little Rascals Day
We'll give American children a bucket of baseballs and eight hours to break as many windows as possible - a national event with no spankings, groundings, or consequences. Let them loose on cars, houses, whatever. Think of all the fun in the neighborhoods. Red houses, blue houses, yellow houses. They could start with the White House.
5. Political Car Bashing Event
We'll have all senators and state representatives bring the cars in their household to Washington, where individuals can take free swings with a baseball bat. Call’em Porsche piñatas. With 100 senators and 435 state representatives, you’d have 1600 vehicles at a minimum. Besides economic stimulus, the electorate could let off some steam. It would be better than cash for clunkers – it would be the bash for flunkers.
6. Skyscraper Demolition
We could just take down the country the old-fashioned way, with a Marlboro and thermite.
7. Cut It Up
Afraid of cutting up credit cards, we can unleash the fiscally irresponsible on the lackluster retail sector and have them cut up, chop up, and rip up poor quality Chinese-made clothing that typically bleeds after one washing anyway. (This plan would actually be a good idea if all of the clothes manufactured for American Don Juans weren’t irrevocably produced in Dongguan).
8. The E-Party
We can develop a clay pigeon iphone app and finally give the gun-totin’ Palin-lovin’ domestic militiamen something to shoot at. We can call it the E-Party against smartphones. Actually -- this may not work. Doubtful the drug companies need more stimulus.
9. Bumper Planes
This one might not work either. I was thinking we could have some destructive fun on the tarmac with Boeings and Airbusses (ya know, to help boost the economy), but getting through security screeners would be a radiation hazard, and getting a rubdown from an agent would be worse.
10. Control-Alt-Delete Day
Now here’s one that will definitely boost the economy. We can dump the computers of air-head economists into a pool of highly fluoridated toxic tap water. Biggest splash wins! Let's begin with Paul Krugman.
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Comment: We live in times when even extreme satire doesn't match reality.
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